I stare into the void of post show nothingness. I thought I would want the break. I thought I’d be relieved to have more time to work on the nearly twenty pages of material that I have due next week. But, I don’t really wish for that, deep down. There is so much left to accomplish with the plays I have been working on for the last month. And yet, despite the fact that I feel as though I could have tweaked just one more thing, the world moves on. No immediate project to distract me, no pressing creative fire flares in my belly. It is one of the blessed moments when I can look back and think “yes, I did my best and that was enough.” For now. The part of me that is not an artist wriggles in contempt. It wonders how I can partake in a form that has infinite, bottomless demands. The artistic side of me has no answer.
Over the next few months, I will take the time to satisfy the non-artist in me. If that is even an appropriate term. I don’t even know what I’d call it, but it’s the side of me that will admit to having a passion for psychology and physics. So, in order to give me what I need, to satisfy that which has been starved, I will likely not be making theatre for at least six months. That should be an interesting experiment. How will my relationship to theatre develop as I abstain from practicing it for the next half of a year? Will I pick up where I left off, will the void of my lack of practice remain present until I condition myself for work again…? Or will it, as it is my hope, get better? Will things improve? Shall I return next fall with a renewed desire and an abundance of experience that shall expand me? I hope so. The future holds infinite possibilities.
Until we meet again.