Throwing Myself into the Net

As a senior Theatre Arts major expecting to graduate in the Spring, I will be born unto the world a baby freelancer. For the first time ever, I won’t have my mom (AKA the warm comfort of the institution of school) to show me the steps I need to take to reach my potential. There are some parts of my future adult life that don’t scare me as much — I can make a sandwich, I keep eyes (albeit inattentive eyes) on my bank account, and I’m lucky to know I have people I can rely on to help me should things get actually rough. I know that no matter what, I’ll find a way to manage this new life, but the scary truth for me is that I don’t want to just manage, I want to thrive at home and in my career. And for someone who can usually find a way to be satisfied with the simple things, I’m scared of being too small.

I’m thankful that some of my training at school has been self-advocacy and self-discipline in order to make sure I am on track with my degree. Nevertheless, I know it will be a big adjustment to self-advocating and networking in an industry I’m just starting out in. I won’t know at first if I’m too far or too close when I’m trying to be seen by the people who may be able to help me with my goals. How many emails is too many? I don’t know! While I don’t see myself as someone to borderline harass a potential employer, I’m worried that if I don’t put myself out there enough, I might get lost in the ocean of people trying to do what I want to do.

Whenever I’ve experienced self-doubt in my training at BU, one of my only lights at the end of the tunnel of working through my fears is to focus on the work I’m doing, and most importantly, why I’m doing it. Art cannot be done in complete isolation. And the art that I want to be a part of is art that, in its mission, seeks to make meaningful connections, beyond a small community. But, in order to make the connections I want to make, I have to risk being vulnerable, and also stay assured that my voice can add to and help facilitate conversation.

As a proud mix-trovert and a true Libra, I’ll have to find a balance of putting myself out there and caring for my artist self, and a way to do both at once. I have a hope that the key to finding that balance will be to stay passionate about why I love theatre, and to trust that my hard work will carry me where I need to go. I’m grateful that the least scary bit about networking is the actual net I feel created by the support I have from the BU theatre community. Maybe I’ll surprise myself and take some big leaps — and I can trust that the net will be there.