I’ve been struggling with what to write this week because I’ve been feeling particularly unmotivated and overwhelmed. I’ve interacted plenty with art – I sat in on a tech session at the Huntington, I saw Topdog/Underdog, we finished staging the opera and I’m in love with our staging of the Act IV finale, I’ve read some wonderful plays. But this is one of those weeks where I’ve also received bad news in my personal life, and am starting to feel the pressure of gearing up for tech right along side the end of the semester push to start final projects. My mind is in a million places and refuses to rest in any one place for very long.
This happens every year, every semester around this time and has me asking, why? Why do I let myself take on so much, knowing that at some point I will have to face the reality that there is no way to complete every project (class or otherwise) in time with my full and best effort? Wouldn’t it just be better to take on a little less next time so that I can devote more energy into each project? Isn’t it better to whole-ass one thing than half-ass a dozen?
And then today, in discussing The Elaborate Entrance of Chad Deity, I had the beginning of an “ah ha” moment. I am the kind of person that will take full advantage of every opportunity offered to me. If I’m interested in something, and there isn’t a path, I will create it, and I will take on any road block I encounter along the way. I am constantly learning, growing and becoming a better person, both as an artist and an individual in society. The day that stops being true will be the day its no longer worth it. That will be the day I stop over-committing. Until then, I will take on extra shows in-between my production assignments, I will seek out opportunities to work with professional designers during breaks, I will max out the number of credits I can take each semester because its what’s important to me. I know I’ll do a lot of thinking about whether all of that is still true, whether its still worth it, and I can’t possibly know the answer now. Until I do, I will continue on this path because these are my priorities: to get as much out of every experience as one could imagine, and to never stop moving forward, wherever “forward” is.