(This is for college students in a program where being on crew for shows is a graduation requirement even if you are not design & production. I’m sorry if this alienates any Drama Lit Blog fans out there but maybe you can relate. Saying thank you is important)
Stop what you are doing.
The hours of setting up
and then taking down
and then moving
and setting UP
and then changing
“Someone change their clothes it smells like butt in here”.
The black leggings
black shirt inside ou. CUT OFF YOUR TAGS PLEASE
The black shoes (that weren’t really black but you hoped your SM wouldn’t notice)
The black box.
((the world is black.
Why are we here
Who am I?
Why am I?
“To be or not to be shit”- a poem written by me))
The actor is having a meltdown
the actor needs water
the actor needs a chair moved
WHY CAN’T THE ACTOR DO THAT THEMSELVES
are actors really adults?
Observation: Actors are big babies with student loans and cigarettes.
“can you do my hair for me?”
“what’s your name?”
“why are you here?”
“can I get a cue light?”
“where is my water?”
“line. liNE. LINE”
“FUCK ME I KNEW THAT LINE”
“SPEAK UP I CAN’T HEAR YOU I NEED MY FUCKING LINE”
sitting in a dark corner with nothing but your copy of The Scarlett Letter and a tiny flashlight.
your SM is talking crap about you to the other SM and you overhear it. Whoops.
The theater is much much better than the movies.
your cue is coming up
get ready GET READY
they cut your cue
okay that’s fine maybe you’ll get another cue
that was your only cue.
enjoy your tiny hole with your Scarlett Letter. one day Hester P. will call you GOD.
Okay. Was that a nice trip down memory lane?
Well now it’s your turn
no more black clothes.
no more setting up. just warm up and be a star
you are the actor having a melt down
“WHY CAN’T I FIND MY SWORD!!! WHO STOLE MY GLASSES?!”
Your cue is the sound of your best friend shooting a gun into the sky
The gun doesn’t go off.
Cause a scene. please. yell at everyone including the gun because screw it, likelihood it wanted to ruin your life. Please. it is so convenient and everyone loves you for doing it. seriously you’re the best
Thank your stage crafters. Stop whining and say thank you.
We are all getting the same degree and soon you will need and they will set you on fire.
Thank them because you were them once and it did suck and you had a bad attitude. Because yes, no one actually finds educational fulfillment in washing used underwear.
Buy them flower and a nice card.
LEARN THEIR NAMES
Help them with their tasks.
The show is not over until everyone is gone.
Write blog posts about them that they will never read. It’s so much awesome fun.
This “thank you” has to extend to your design team. Lighting, stage management, scenic, TD’s, props, makeup, hair, painting, assistants, apprentices, family members, little cousins. everyone who helped make you look as mediocrely good as you do.
“Being rude make you ugly”- my mom.
The fifth best piece of advice I ever received: “when you start a new job, befriend the maintenance folks before anyone else. they will save your ass better than any Joe from accounting can.”