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Fits and Starts: I’m finding my voice

 Where is my voice on the internet? What does it sound like? What does it look like? How do I talk about art and the world? I feel like a baby learning how to talk. To clock the development of my voice, I present for myself and the rest of the internet, where I begin: A collection of fits and and starts, unfinished, without thesis and a little raw and stream of conscious. I have chosen to begin impulsively and to observe what happens  when my mind, heart and fingers collide into language

When I was a kid, I would inhale my food almost without chewing. This would quickly result in me throwing up because I would eat so much so fast without breaking anything down that little Tati’s stomach was like “nah girl that’s coming right back up.”

“Chew, Tatiana. Slow down and chew.” My mother would say to me. ” One bite at a time.”

WELL. if that’s not a metaphor for my life, I don’t know what is!

So I want to change the world right…the young brown first generation queer revolutionary theater artist that wants to change the world with her art. Now that I have the courage to not constantly be running away from the society we live in the United States, I seem to have permanently lost my rose colored sunglasses and I am left at a major loss. My heart is chronically hurting, I sob uncontrollably for the fate of humanity and I can’t seem to funnel all this energy into coherently constructing sentences, words, let alone art that will change anything around me. I find that for me, I have concluded that change

  1. Is slow
  2.  Happens most potently on an interpersonal basis
  3. It takes a considerable amount of humility yet a quiet confidence to really engage in it
  4. It takes a community and an ever growing prismatic view of the world

This summer I used devised theater techniques as a tool for social change at the The Theater Offensive. More specifically, I used these techniques in work to empower queer youth ages 14-22. For the first time in my life, I genuinely felt like I had learned how to change the world using my art. I learned that change is slow, yet happens most deeply and potently through interpersonal connection. I read The Pedagogy of the Oppressed  by Paulo Freire and was given words for the invisible forces that have oppressed me and other people of color in the United States. The rose colored glasses were lifted from my eyes, yet because I have begun to learn how to facilitate genuine self-empowerment and how to achieve it for myself, i think it might be okay that I seem to have permanently lost those glasses

I think maybe the whole knack about catalyzing  change is knowing how to spread your message in a million different ways–to craft your language in the manner in which different groups that understand things differently, can take it in. I have to tell one person they are beautiful in a different way so they may take it in than I would tell another person they are beautiful because people are different. Their journeys through the world are different, therefore the thing is to learn how to communicate in a million different ways. I think there’s something in that. Art is a vehicle for that.

 

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